Sick

Hoo boy. I have not been well. I've barely gotten out of bed this past week. Thankfully, Christmas Eve and Christmas day weren't so bad, so I was able to get everything wrapped and mostly enjoy Christmas. But, I just can't shake this cough. And that's the only symptom, other than total lack of energy. I get winded and wheezy when I try to walk anywhere and go into a coughing fit. Going outside in the (moderate) cold makes it 10x worse. I've been to the doctor twice and he's convinced it's just viral bronchitis, so I can't take antibiotics. He's given me first a prescription expectorant, which just made things worse, and then a prescription suppressant, which helps a little. I'm sleeping with a warm humidifier with vicks in it. Nothing is making it go away though. I've skipped a few family things this week which makes it even worse. Thankfully, Chris has been home so he's really been awesome taking care of Emily (and me).
The doctor wants to put me on a steroid for a short time, but it would interfere with my hormones, so I have to wait at least until this cycle is over so I don't totally bugger up my 3rd clomid cycle. I may have to skip next month though if I'm not pregnant this month (I'm 95% sure I'm not. I have no symptoms plus I'm doubtful I could even get pregnant with being sick, the physical act of coughing so much - I'm pretty sure I pulled a stomach muscle, and all the cough medicines I've been on). I'm torn because, on the one hand, the age separation between Emily and my next kid, if there even is one, is already more than I wanted it to be. I don't want to keep pushing it out by not even trying next month. On the other hand, if this sickness is getting in the way of getting pregnant or if my only chance at getting rid of the sickness (the steroid) would basically ruin a month anyway, I may as well not waste one of my remaining 3 months of clomid. I may as well just spend next month trying to get better. It just pisses me off. I hate anything that gets in the way of getting pregnant and it doesn't really look like I have a choice next month. Unless by some miracle, I'm pregnant now. But I really doubt it.
Plus my birthday is next week. I really don't want to celebrate. I'll be 32. I know I'm still youngish and all that blood work I had done says I'm still good and fertile (why I'm not pregnant, I don't know), but for some reason, my birthday just makes me sad. A whole year wasted trying to get pregnant. Only to end up not. And I've already watched my first miscarriage due date come and go. It's hard not to think "I should have a second child now". Another year closer to 35, when fertility supposedly takes a dive and you're automatically labeled "high risk" and "advanced maternal age" if you do get pregnant. I know plenty of people continue to have babies past 35 (and I'm not even at 35 yet), but I just don't even want to think about my age let alone celebrate it.
Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and update the blog, since I haven't posted in a while. I'm sorry it got a bit more depressing than I expected. I thought I'd just come in and say I was sick and that would be that. Anyway, since I have quite a few December reviews still to post, I may look through and either just post my favorites or make a summary post so I'm not super behind for January.